Make no mistake: in most cases online dating
can be a successful means to meet your partner only if
you follow one basic rule: you meet with the person within
the first one or two weeks of your first communication.
Online dating should mean business.
It’s where you get your contacts. This is no different
from being introduced by your niece to her neighbor,
or having a blind date through a colleague or a friend.
How you got to know someone is a technical detail. How
you follow up on that contact is what may make it or
break it.
Since romance can only be created face
to face, between two real people – what you’re
opting at when looking for someone online, is meeting
them in person as soon as you can. You want to find out
if this connection could provide a romantic opportunity.
To sense whether an opportunity for romance exists you
must meet him or her, and the sooner the better. Your
goal is to look in their eyes, watch their body language,
observe the dynamics establishing between the two of
you – this will give you a lot more insight than
emailing them for three months, and it will help you
decide right away if you want to start dating them or
not, and whether in the future there may be a potential
for a relationship.
Stop emailing anyone who continuously
postpones meeting with you. You should doubt their motives,
personality and goals. More importantly, do not get emotionally
involved with a person you have never met.
If someone tells you they need more
time emailing with you to get to know you before they’ll
meet with you in person, assume they may not want to
meet with you at all. For some people creating on-line
relationships is often all they can or want to do. Don’t
fall into the trap of investing your time and feelings
in building a “relationship” based on email
or on-line chat.
Dating on-line should be a technical
process: say you look at someone’s photo and like
what you see. Now don’t click to send them a message
right away. Take time to read their profile. Try to get
as much information as you can from the person’s
profile. Often what they don’t say is much stronger
than what they do say. Read between the lines. Look for
areas of possible compatibility. Are your goals similar?
Does their background appeal to you? If you don’t
like something about the profile, don’t ignore
your intuition. It’s telling you something. Even
if that person looks gorgeous, you want to find someone
whose qualities appeal to you no less than their looks.
Talking about finding, take care not
to become obsessed with searching. It’s easy to
scroll through 10-15 profiles, but it takes you nowhere.
Rather decide what it is that you are looking to find
in a person, and once you’ve found someone suitable
contact them and go do something else. Do not become
an on-line hermit. It’s detrimental to your social
life, and generally to your health.
The most beneficial sequence of events
from meeting someone on-line to dating them would be:
exchanging a few emails within a week, talking on the
phone soon after; meeting in person follows. No more
than two weeks.
Meeting your on-line date for the first
time in person is exciting, although unfortunately too
often disappointing. The reason why it is disappointing
is because most people can’t help building up expectations.
This is why spontaneous encounters have a much better
chance of success. When you don’t know anything
about a person beforehand, your impression is based on
the real interaction between the two of you. You are
free from pre-conceived ideas.
To minimize the influence of a possible
disappointment assign only a short time for your first
encounter. But make it as private as possible. You don’t
want to meet your new date where there are other potential
suitors; you don’t want to meet them where there
is too much noise or distraction. A quiet café or
pub where you can focus on each other for 45-60 minutes
is good. Agree in advance how much time your date will
take, and stick to the time frame even if you’re
having a great time together. It is a wonderful feeling
to leave wanting more.
From now on you’re out in the
world of real dating. Fasten your seat belts, and good
luck! But before you take off read more on how to avoid
other possible difficulties that may jeopardize your
best efforts when online dating.
